Frog might taste like chicken , but it leaves a shitty taste in your mouth

As most of you know, I was the morning guy on K92 FM The Frog in Middleport. The most important word in that sentence is "was". I was told last week that I was being relieved of my duties and replaced by a full time dj from another station. This didn't really come as a shock, but the timing was just wonderful. Just a month before Christmas and when everyone is turning on there God forsaken furnaces. I hope you're sensing the sarcasm because I'm laying it on real thick.

The story goes as something like this. The people that own the frog, we'll refer to them as rat-bastards, own a number of stations all over the eastern part of the United States including the stations is Point Pleasant, WV. The rat-bastards decided to fully automate one of the stations in Point effectively leaving all of those employees unemployed. Now when I was hired two years ago it was under the condition that I would work there until I finished college and found a teaching job. I was promised a minimum of 20+ hours and the manager of the frog, we'll refer to her as the person that looks out for number one, said that she would push and could probably get me on as full time. Well needless to say the full time thing never happened. But that is neither here nor there. I'm nearing completion of college, but due to the fact that I'm finishing half way through the school year, teaching jobs aren't as plentiful as they are in the spring. A week and a half ago, the person that looks out for number one calls me and says that she wants to have a meeting. When I go in to talk to her, she explains to me that since I "might" be leaving at any time, the rat-bastards have decided to give my show to a full timer from one of the stations that are to be automated. The beautiful part is, to keep me from being able to file for unemployment, they wanted to keep me on the payroll to do all of the shitty work that no one else would want to. I'd basically be working on-call and only get 4 to 10 hours a week. Those hours wouldn't even be guaranteed. Needless to say I told her to tell the rat-bastards to stick those hours up their rat-bastard asses. She also asked me if I would come in after the new guy takes over to train him. I told her that if I didn't get to leave on my own terms I was at least going to leave with my dignity. The person who looks out for number one's last comment was "I hope you understand that this is business and it's nothing personal."

So I did my last show today and as I signed off, I said "I'd like to leave everyone with a maxim that I hope will treat them well. When the dealer deals you a crappy hand, just remember that it's nothing personal. It's just business." Then I played Working Class Hero.

So if you did listen to my show, I greatly appreciate you. And I ask that everyone please get on board with XM satellite radio. Commercial radio is a fucking joke. And if you need school closings turn on WSAZ and if you need a weather forecast turn on the weather channel. That is where the frog gets all of it's info anyway.

Chinese Democracy

Like many people who long for the days of quality rock and roll, I've waited in nervous anticipation for the release of the Guns N' Roses illusive album, Chinese Democracy. Before I proceed, I'd like to define a few things.

By "quality rock and roll", I mean rock and roll that isn't plagued by laments of my daddy didn't hug me enough all accompanied by droning minor chords. I swear that if I have to sit through another track by that fast bastard from Staind, I'll start to cut myself. And not in that emo tormented youth way.

By "nervous anticipation, I mean that I was scared that Axl was going to completely ruin the legacy that the G N' R name stands for.

And by illusive, I mean that this album has been in the works for 14 years. There have been one or two different "Chinese Democracy world tours" in the past six years supposedly in support for the release of the album. I don't have the figures to back this up, but with the album checking in at an astonishing $14 million to make, I'm going to assume that it takes the prize for the money spent to record and release 71 minutes of music.

In November of 2002, I went to Columbus to see one of the shows on the tour of the new
G N' R. In regards to the show it was great. The music was played wonderfully by Axl's rental squad of musicians. The old songs were note perfect. If you closed your eyes you could've swore that it was a show from the Use Your Illusion tour of 1992. They did however play a few of the "new" songs. I was not impressed.

Fast forward six years later to the present day. Two weeks ago, I heard the title track from the new album, on Rock 105. They were doing "Two for Tuesday" and they played it back to back with Mr. Brownstone. Again I was not impressed. Over the next week or so I thought about the song and why it didn't sit well with me. Early one morning while I was at work, I came across a link for a rock radio station that had the track available to stream on their website. So in my 6:30 am haze I listened again. This time I loved it. I asked myself, "What was different this time?" The answer was, I didn't have Appetite for Destruction in my ears already. This is the key to this entire album. I got a copy of Chinese Democracy, released this past Sunday, and listened to it in its entirety. This is a great album. Before anyone wants to crucify me for comparing Chinese Democracy to Appetite for Destruction, read what I said again. I didn't say it was better. I said that I didn't have the sounds and ideas of Appetite in my head when I realized that Democracy was good. This album can not and should not be compared to Appetite. They are two totally different albums released 20 years apart. Honestly they shouldn't even be listed under the same band's discography. The only circumstance that these two albums should be listed together is that they depict the evolution of a songwriter. The good comparison of this evolution that I speak of is to listen to early Beatles' stuff like She Loves You and I Want to Hold Your Hand and compare it to tracks like I Am The Walrus, Helter Skelter, and the entire Sgt. Pepper album. Yes it's the same group of guys but the sound is so different, if it wasn't for the familiarity of the voices, you would think that it was an entirely different band. Axl is the only member, past and present, of G N' R to grace both albums. Had he not needed the G N' R moniker to sell the album, he may have been better off releasing it under a different name. Something like "Axl's technicolor dream record" sounds good to me.

The songwriting, production, instrumentation, and over all feel of the album is polar opposite of what Axl made his mark with. Appetite was chocked full of in your face, sunset strip, rock and roll. Five guys giving you a unified fuck you. Democracy is still a punch in the face, but it is more thought out and precise. Much like the planned out demise of the playground bully involving a Crayola drawn map and a crew of your best buddies and Appetite was the I've just lost my temper and now I'm gonna kick your ass. Both approaches can get the same results, but they are different in execution. And frankly after 14 years and $14 million, I would expect more than just the five piece rock act with the overdubbed solo.

With personnel listing of almost 20 players, Axl used a very deliberate pick and choose method when putting this album together. I feel that this method paid off. Not a single note, riff, guitar tone, or synth patch sounds out of place on this record. Each track is not simply put together. Each track is orchestrated like an intense symphony from the time of Beethoven and Mahler. From 5 and 6 guitar tracks at time to Axl's voice multi tracked upwards of 4 times, each in a different timbre mind you, nothing steps on what is going on around it. Speaking of Axl's voice, regardless of what kind of studio treatment they did to it, he sounds great. Just as clear and piercing as ever in all parts of his extensive range. I've talked to some and read from other reviews that "If it doesn't sound like Slash, it isn't Guns N' Roses." In response to that I say get over it. Slash isn't in G N' R now he is in another phenomenal group, Velvet Revolver. If you want to hear Slash and the style of rock that is conducive to his playing then go pick up VR's Contraband. That will definitely give you your Neo Appetite fix. Now I am a huge fan of Slash's playing and his tone, but even if he was in G N' R now I don't know if his style would fit the direction that Axl has taken the musical idea of G N'R.

The idea of this album being an album for/from a rock band is a stretch. This album is more of a composition instead of a run of mill rock record. I honestly don't know how much or at all for that matter, I would like to hear this stuff played live. I think that this type of album is a studio album that may not transfer well over to the live market. But I will say that I hope I'm wrong in that regard, because I'll be in line for tix the next time Axl brings the circus to town.

Do yourself a favor and head to Best Buy (hard copies of the album are exclusively available there) or go to iTunes and pick up a copy. For those who like the idea of nostalgia, Best Buy has it on vinyl.

One reviewer said that he felt that this album might raise the bar for rock albums. If he's right, I think things are going to get interesting.

I hope the damn thing falls out of the sky (repost for your amusement)

originally posted in February 2008

Ok. Someone tell me why satellite television is so groundbreaking and advanced when the signal can't go around a fucking tree. This rant is a long time coming. Last week we had an appointment to have Dish Network installed at our house. We decided to go this route because the bastards at the cable company have and will continue to raise the rates. Of course it snowed and iced the day they were supposed to come. They day in question was a Tuesday. The rescheduled for Friday. Not a big deal but it didn't make a damn bit of sense to me. If the weather puts you one day behind schedule, then you move the schedule one day. Not the case. Friday rolls around and they are supposed to be here between noon and 5. Now I'm not naive and I know that that means that they will show up at 4:50. Not the case. They didn't show up until 7pm! They get out of their vehicle offer up a half assed apology for the wait and take a walk around the house. 90 seconds later he looks at me and says, "Sorry we can't get the signal because there are trees in the way." Big shock.

So after a day of fuming about this I decide to call Direct TV. The very polite woman claims that they point the dish in a different direction and they have more satellites than Dish Network and It would be no problem to get us hooked up. A ray of hope fills my heart. Today, I sat at the window like a kid on Christmas morning watching the Direct TV guy do an installation on a trailer across the street just knowing that I would be next and I would be watching TV in an hour or two. He walks up the driveway and looks around with his compass (looks like a viewmaster) and says "I might be able to hook you up but you won't get your locals and probably a few other channels."

HOLY SHIT!

I watched this guy put a dish on a trailer that is likely held together by duct tape and I can't have TV because there is a fucking tree on the hill!? And why would I pay full price for a service that is only going to be partially fulfilled? That would be like a hooker wanting paid full price when she leaves after the fluff.

My anger may be a bit extreme but I was really looking forward to saving some money and actually being able to watch an entire Reds game without having to worry if the dumbass at the cable office is going to flip it back to the purple channel in the middle of ninth inning.

I guess now I'm out of options and it's time to go crawling back to those money hungry bastards at Suddenlink. I promise one thing though, when we buy our own house, mark my word, there won't be a fucking tree within a hundred yards.